So, I am trying to keep myself busy. Why you might be asking yourself? Well, because I don't want to go eat. Eat because I am starving, or because I am bored. Eating is not a good choice for me, at least not right now, and maybe never again. Life needs to change if I will be healthy for my family and be here for them when they are my age.Who the hell am I, huh? Well I am the blogger of this blog, and the owner of these ideas, and the crazy person behind the curtain.
Life it is full of choices, good or bad, they are there. We ALL have choices. So, again we are back to why am I doing this? Well, I am doing this to stay busy, duh. Seriously I thought we discussed that already, but I suppose you want to know about the meat and tators of the situation, eh? Okay, I can do that... I chose to have weight loss surgery, a gastric bypass sleeve thing, which went well (or so far I think it went well, I am only day 3 post-op) so ya. But I will tell you this, if you are thinking about having this surgery, please do your own research, determine if it is right for you... do NOT let anyone tell you you have to do it, do not make others make up your mind for you... cause, ya you have to live with the decision, not anyone else. Above all else do it for your own reasons, okay? Okay. I mean I will tell you my successes, my failures, my whatevers, but do not base your own ideas strictly on my ideas, don't be a sheepople... (sheep-people).
So, who am I and why did I decide to do such a damn drastic measure and cut myself open and have my stomach ripped out rather viciously (like a rabid chihuahua starving for a bone), well because I was a fat healthy horse, knowing that the healthy portion of my life was slowly slipping from my fingertips. IT was like a wet slippery soap that was slowly fading from my fat little sausages, and I knew if I DIDN'T do something about it, I would be six feet under and my three children would be crying over a corpse of a fat "healthy" horse. *Plays the sob music here* Hey I should get this outta the way now, I might SOUND like I am putting myself down, but really I am not. I was body conscious and comfortable with my weight. I was okay with being fat, still am (because look only day 3 after, and guess what peeps, still fat!) I have a husband that loves me for me, and I have a family that is supportive of me, so it was all good, but I knew and I repeat I KNEW I needed to make the change so I am there when my youngest is 50 years old and has his own children.
I am 5'6" and at my top weight I was 336, yup, holy $^!*, I was fat. That was okay, I was comfortable. I am not trying to body shame anyone so, if you think that I am sorry for you... keep on reading or keep on walking, no damn skin off of my nose. But if you want to continue to read, strap yourself in tight because dude it is going to be a damn bumpy road, cause I might write back to back day to day, or I might skip a month or 5, who the hell knows. I just know I need to do something to distract me. I know that if I can make a change it will become a habit, if I associate wanting to eat, with wanting to write maybe I will be able to publish a book like I want too (it is on my bucket list).
How did this all start? Well like I mentioned I am... hey I didn't mention my age, well I am 36, and anyways ya fat. Fat healthy horse of a self, border line diabetic, with family history of high blood pressure (which I was fine), heart disease, morbid obesity, and lack of motivation to stay busy. I hate hate hate hate did I mention hate exercise?
Ya I have to change that attitude, and I will by walking and getting active. I can do it, I am strong, I am awesome, and again I have a great support system (family/friends). The kicker?! Is now I am on blood pressure medicine, for the next few days because this change in my diet my body is like WTF man, we were doing good, wtf is going on, why you do this to us Joe, seriously if I have to drink one more protein shake or drink one more crystal light I am going to go postal. What the heck, you might be asking about the random tangent, well I will be honest this will happen a lot, I ramble, I get distracted, and ooo hey look shiny! I am off on another direction. That is me. As I mentioned this blog is mainly my own personal therapy so it is all good, I don't really have to make sense to anyone but myself, BUT if I can help someone who is thinking about it, awesome-sauce.
Okay so this crystal light, high protein, liquid thing what is, it? Well it will be your worst nightmare for the next few months. Dude I am a chewer, I love to eat, don't get me wrong, I love to drink too, and that might be my downfall (hopefully not) but right now, since all I am doing is drinking, if I never saw another packet of crystal light or propel I would probably be OK with that. I say that now, because that is all I am doing, is drinking. We shall see, remember kiddos only day 3 post-op. I am sure it will change, we will see which way it falls for the good or the bad. So for the barbaric (bariatric) center that I went through they had me do a 10 day high protein liquid diet before my surgery to help prepare my bowels for the change. Now, okay, don't plan to do something like this when it is your husband or significant other's birthday celebration and go to a place that has tasty food that you want to eat. Thankfully though I did really well and only wanted fried rice once, I drank my iced tea, chatted with my friends/family and overall enjoyed the company. I made it, it was awesome, but I would be lying if I didn't say I was envious. I wanted to chew on some sushi and tempura, granted I knew the fried food would make me sick but I didn't care.. I was on day 5 out of 10, so I was strong at that point. First two days was rough. Okay, it was you looked at me funny warning I might eat your face, bad. Which is rough because I have two toddlers. A two year old and a four year old, they are 14 months a part and well, ya best friends and worst enemies and knew what buttons to push on mommy to make her flip her sheeeeznet.
Anywho, if you could lock yourself away for at least the first two to three days when you start your liquid diet I would suggest it. By day three I was good, no longer salivating at the smell of food, or thinking I was a zombie after some brains, I was a tiger (or in my case) a dragon on a leash and I was doing walkies with the big gods er dogs (meaning I was able to sip my broth, or protein shake) as I made full meal dinners for my family of 7. See I only mentioned the toddlers, because they can not feed themselves, the others can be resourceful and open a bag of chips or hot dogs, or hell dial pizza, toddlers not so much. Ya, well I will still fed the family, had company over and even hosted dinners for others. Yes, yes I am crazy. But I did it, and this is why I think I got this. It is going to be bumpy but overall I got this. It is all good. It is a change but life is about changes and dude... without change we would probably be dead.
So, last Thursday I had my surgery in the morning, my biggest anxiety? The IV poke, which dude the nurse rocked my socks... she only poked me twice. You might be like dude twice, but I am like ONLY TWICE... my normal IV stick is a minimum of like 5... so 2 was HEAVEN! Even the blood draw was only one poke, the nurses at Methodist have their stuff down.... I was pleasantly surprised for that. So, ya surgery day, don't remember it, I mean I remember getting up to pee, and to walk like the hallway like a zombie in the night (I would be seriously surprised if I weren't moaning brains or some stuff like that), but other than that I mainly slept. Slept like the freekin dead, until my back cried at me to move my fat butt because I am a side tummy sleeper and well guess what peeps, you get to sleep elevated in the 45 degree angle position... my back still hurts from that, not sure if it is the gas they pump you with, or the actual back saying: you suck a duck mother f'r. Who knows, all I know is I want to go get a massage, and probably should wait until my incisions heal a bit first. Seven of them, and they are itchy as hell. Only one truly hurts when I move, and that is the big one, when I twist. I am still sleeping semi elevated, and when I can home on Saturday I still slept my life away. It is all good though... I am recovering. Still hate crystal light and propel (to damn sweet, even when I water them down). Broth is salty, and I am about to say my kingdom for tators and a steak (granted I know I would not be able to keep them down). My stomach can only hold about 2-3 ounces at a time now, so I better not push it because puking is the worst... yep... so here I am.. I shall write when I am hungry.
So, if you are thinking about this journey or have been on it, feel free to write a comment or two, we can chat. IF you have nothing nice to say, trust me Karma will bite you... do onto others and all of that...
Sinceriously,
The Smoken Dragon
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